Not One, But THREE Totally Real "Yeah-Huh They Are Shut Up You Stoopid" Obama Kenyan Birth Certificates

Gotta love the American public school system, don'cha?

Totally Real Obama Kenyan Birth Certificate Contestant #1:



Hey, no one told me that Kenya was so technologically advanced in 1961 that they had a XEROX PRINTER AND COPIER!!

But, wait, that one IS a fake, cuz this one's...



Got a TEAR in it!!!! Doesn't that prove that it's AUTHENTIC??? Cuz, it's like, OLD or something???

Back in my college theater days, when I was designing lighting and props and probably acting in the same show, we had a method called "distressing". Distressing is taking something new and making it look old. Know what we used? Coffee. Just brush a little diluted coffee on a piece of paper, let it air dry, and gently and precisely make a few little rips in it. Presto, a 45 year old document! Or a hundred year old document. Or a five hundred year old document. You get the drift. Want it to look older? ADD MORE RIPS AND COFFEE!!!

But the paranoid fun doesn't stop there! Cuz then a THIRD one's reared it's totally real head:


I...don't even know what this is.

And now, sanity. From the Daily Kos:

First, the hospital is Coast Provincial General Hospital (sometimes said to be Coast Province General Hospital), not Coast General Hospital.

Second, Kenya was a Dominion the date this certificate was allegedly issued and would not become a republic for 8 months.

Third, Mombasa belonged to Zanzibar when Obama was born, not Kenya.

Fourth, Obama's father's village would be nearer to Nairobi, not Mombasa.

Fifth, the number 47O44-- 47 is Obama's age when he became president, followed by the letter O (not a zero) followed by 44--he is the 44th president.

Sixth, EF Lavender is a laundry detergent.

Seventh, would a nation with a large number of Muslims actually say "Christian name" (as opposed to name) on the birth certificate?

Eigth, his father (born in 1961) would have been 24 or 25 when he was born and not 26

Ninth, it was called the "Central Nyanza District," not Nyanza Province. The regions were changed to provinces in 1970.

And now, a little more sanity. I know, no fun at all, huh?

The document is dated 5 August 1964 -- a Saturday. From what I can find, Kenyan guvmint offices close early on Friday and are closed on Saturdays. Oooops [...]

This piece of paper certainly looks nice and new to be 45 years old -- unless the Kenyans were using acid-free paper back in 1964. Heh, heh.

Finally, Officials of Coast Province General Hospital reported: “We do not have computerized records going back to the 1960’s and can only sort through our archives by hand,” Dr. Christopher Mwanga, an administrator at the Mombasa hospital tells GLOBE. “We have searched for all the names of babies born on Aug. 4, 1961, and have not found the name of Barack Hussein Obama. That is all I can tell you.”

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/8/2/761144/-Debunking-the-unbearably-stupid

Now, who exactly is behind all this birther nonsense? Well, clutch my pearls, whod've thunk it:

WHITE-SUPREMACIST WEB SITES TOUTING OBAMA'S ALLEGED FOREIGN BIRTH

The belief that Obama is a foreigner has spread like wildfire among white- supremacist circles and Web sites, including Stormfront, the largest and best-known self-styled "white nationalist" site on the Web; the Council of Conservative Citizens, listed by the Southern Poverty Law Center as "the largest white nationalist group in America," a reincarnation of the old White Citizens Councils that were formed to resist desegregation in the 1950s and 1960s; and VDARE.com, a virulently anti-immigrant site.

That white-supremacist groups are heavily involved in the "Birther Movement" against the president should come as no surprise, given the massive coronary they collectively suffered last November when Obama was elected. According to the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), which monitors and exposes extremist activity and rhetoric, anger among white supremacists and other right-wing extremists in response to Obama's victory "resulted in an avalanche of vitriolic postings on racist Web sites" -- at one point, causing Stormfront's server to crash.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/8/3/761194/-Exposed:-White-Supremacists-Heavily-Involved-in-Birther-Movement-

I don't know whether to laugh, weep, or run to Sweden.