The Mad Nutter

Is it just me...

Or is a wholly cliched literary reference sorely needed here?

In spirit of the occasion, I tried to find the most retarded-looking Mad Hatter out there on the Tubes. I hope I succeeded. Thanks, Walt.

Tea and Hannity

Well, it's here-- Tax Day. Can't you just smell the aroma of Earl Grey and CRAZY in the air?



Bob Woodward he is not:




But...he can't be a wingnut! He's got long hair like a HIPPIE! GODDAM HIPPIES! Wait, isn't that what we're fighting against? Soshy-Commie-Hippes????
(Off in the distance, you hear the pop of a hundred wingnut heads explode)

And for those of you who haven't been insulted and dismayed enough today,

That is just offensive on SO many levels.


But my personal favorite so far:



If these people are going to scream "facism", please at least crack a dictionary.

Tell Me You Wouldn't TOTALLY Buy One Of These

Yes, it's a Tauntaun Sleeping Bag.

No, they actually don't exist.

Yet.

ThinkGeek.com puts out a yearly April Fool's edition of products that do not exist. But there has been such an outpouring of "GIMME GIMME" coming through the Tubes that several companies (including Lucasfilm) are actually considering marketing it.

If only George Lucas had such inspiration when he made the prequels (silently vomits in her mouth).

Is This What They Mean By 'Git'R'Done?'

On September 11th, 2001, Osama bin Laden gave order to have 3000 Americans killed. In 2008, after George Bush invaded a sovereign nation based on a lie, cost 4300 Americans their lives and plunged the nation into a trillion dollar deficit, bin Laden is still at large.

On April 8, 2009, an American freighter captain, Richard Phillips, was held hostage by 3 Somali pirates after surrendering himself to them for the release of his crew.

On April 12, President Obama gave order to have 3 Navy Seal snipers parachute onto the American warship watching the lifeboat in which the captain was being held captive, and took all 3 out with a single shot to each head.

I think we're in good hands. He got'r'done.

So, What I Miss?

Sorry folks, went away there for a while. You know how it is when you first start a blog-- or start your first blog, as I have. And in the beginning, you're all gung ho and ready to go like Rick Warren at a Prop 8 fundraiser, but then see something shiny and sparkly and sort of wander off...

So much weirdness has passed since my last post, but I'll try to sum it up best I can with absolutely NO research and in no coherent order:

Stimulus Package Passed
Lilly Ledbetter Act signed into law
Republicans think Obama is poopy and not good
The Obamas go to Europe and hand out masturbation candy to last for months
(and they TOTALLY DID IT in Air Force One)
Everyone likes Obama, but not his bank bailout plan (including me)
North Carolina beat Michigan State (dammit)
The GOP continued its descent into madness and oblivion
Michelle Bachman has become the "Mirror Mirror" version of Madame deFarge
Glenn Beck is a mental patient masquerading as a comedian
Bill Clinton has been strangely quiet
Watchmen was really fucking good
Sarah Palin is still an asshole
AK Muckraker from the fabulous Alaskan political blog Mudflats was outed by a pissy local journalist, but is still writing (Thank Dog)
Brett Favre is actually retiring for real this time
Slumdog Millionaire won Best Movie at the Oscars
Some celebrities died

Um...yeah, that's pretty much it. If you have anything to add, please feel free.

PS: Shout out to my homeboy The Shat with the Trek reference.

DISGUSTING RECIPE FRIDAYS!!!!!

Put on your eatin' pants and strap on in, cuz you're about to embark on a culinary carny ride!

Welcome to Disgusting Recipe Fridays, where our motto is "If the Food Network is food porn, then Disgusting Recipe Fridays is an adult video booth off 37th and 8th at 4 AM on a Friday."

Here's how it works: Submissions for disgusting recipes will be accepted up until Thursdays. The week's winner will be posted on Friday. On Monday of the new week, a CULINARY REVIEW will be posted of the week's winner. That's right, I will take your disgusting recipe and actually prepare it Sunday night for my family. Yes, I will.

RULES:

1.Must be ACTUAL Recipes. They must be from another source than you and your friends getting high and mixing pie crust with margarita mix and beef gravy.

2. Must have be COMPLETE recipes with a full list of ingredients and instructions from beginning to end. Example: If flour is not listed in the original ingredient list and then suddenly turns up in a recipe w/out a proper amount, that recipe is disqualified. Same for incomplete instructions, i.e., "Throw into oven." Um, what tempature oven?

WHERE TO FIND ACTUAL PUBLISHED DISGUSTING RECIPES:

1. Off the sides of generic or store-brand items. Off-brand Mac and Cheese or Instant Rice or things like that are good places.

2. Underneath the labels of off-brand canned goods. Another place to find a treasured gastronomical abortion.

3. Off bags of junk food. Yes, I actually got a recipe off a bag of pork rinds once. I still have nightmares.

4. Recipe Sites. If a recipe looks like it may actually be tasty, that's not what we're looking for. If it looks revolting, send it in.

5. Anything you've made in the past that convinced your in-laws that you can't cook, despite years or even decades gone by.

Have fun, and send Prilosec.