Benevolent Dicktator

Rush Limbaugh Loses Only Chance To Legally Own Black Men

2009-10-14T18:59:00.006-06:00

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703790404574473810039848146.html

I am Living Proof That Glenn Beck Raped and Killed Me in 1990

2009-09-11T06:59:00.004-06:00

I mean, what more evidence does a person need??? I am living, breathing, and still currently menstruating (for now) proof that Glenn Beck raped and murdered me in 1990!

Why will Glenn not come forward and DENY this allegation? What is he hiding? In fact, I have documentation from Kenya citing he is NOT denying he raped and killed me in 1990. Thanks, Orly!!!

The Lion Sleeps Tonight

2009-08-26T11:11:00.003-06:00

Senator Ted Kennedy died in his home last night, August 25 2009, at the age of 77 from a year-long battle with brain cancer.

The Irish Lion of the Senate is gone. In respect, I'm going to let someone else say the things I wish I had the eloquence to say.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

WATCHMEN DVD Review: More is MOORE

2009-08-12T11:57:00.005-06:00

Just got my new Watchmen DVD from Amazon, and spent the last 2 nights (yes, 2) watching it. My review:

GODDAMIT, THIS IS JUST SUCH A GREAT FUCKING MOVIE.

The DVD is the Director's Cut, where Zack Snyder added 24 minutes that had been cut from the theatrical version. In most cases, I find scenes picked up from the cutting room floor and re-added to be unnecessary-- there was a reason they were cut, right?

But this is not the case for WATCHMEN. We get to see Hollis's murder (VERY brutal), more of the developing relationship between Dan/Niteowl and Laurie/Silk Spectre II, more Comedian, more Rorshach, more everything. And in this case, more is MOORE.

I cannot possibly know what Alan Moore may have thought of the film version of his vision, but I am hoping he is pleased. There were rumors that he was not happy with V for Vendetta (neither was I-- Natalie Portman was hopelessly miscast), and let's NOT EVEN talk about League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (I think I just threw up a little in my mouth).

But the WATCHMEN crew knew what the stakes were in filming the unfilmable, and handled it with profound reverance and genuine artistry. And I may be the ONLY person alive who actually LIKED Malin Ackerman's performance as Laurie. As a fan of the graphic novel, I thought she nailed Laurie-- obtuse, a little angry, humorless, yet vulnerable and lonely, and DEFINITELY her father's daughter.

WATCHMEN is what Superman Returns SHOULD have been, a labor of love AND utmost respect for the genius that created it.

We're Even Now. K?

2009-08-12T09:24:00.005-06:00

So the Nutter Brigade has found a hero/victim (to them, it's pretty much the same thing) in Kenneth Gladney, the black conservative who allegedly suffered a "savage beating" at the hands of SEIU "thugs" in St. Louis this past weekend. Oh, what screaming and lace-renting and hair-pulling we have had to endure from the Neo-Confederates on this one.

Well, it seems we get our chance to return the favor:

Yup, that's William Kostric, the NRA-lovin' gun-totin' freedom (fry) fighter who thought it was a good idea to show up to a presidential event with a GUN.

Now, in defense of Mr. Kostric (egads), there are some facts that we need to be aware of. He had a permit for the gun, it was NOT concealed and, according to New Hampshire firearms law, he could carry it as long as he was on private property with the landowner's permission, which he was and had. Now with that being said...

WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING, DUDE??????? Answer: "I'ze gonna get meze on dat dere TV!"

Mission accomplished (snick). Kostric ended up on Hardball, where he endured a rousing verbal spanky from Tweety himself.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Needless to say, the lefty blogosphere is burning up about this, just as the righty blogosphere is about Gladney. So, in my eyes, that makes all of us even.

Now can I have health care, please?

"You Can Pry My Charmin OUTTA MY COLD DEAD HAND!"

2009-08-11T15:43:00.007-06:00

It's offical, folks. We're on our way to Socialist Hell.

From Talking Points Memo:

Town Haller Envisions Future With Toilet Paper Rationing
By Rachel Slajda - August 11, 2009, 11:53AM

A town hall attendee who told Sen. Arlen Specer (D-PA) that she doesn't want to see America turn into Russia appeared on Fox News after the event and offered her chilling view of the country's future:

I know that years down the road, I don't want my children coming to me and asking me, 'Mom, why didn't you do anything? Why do we have to wait in line for, I don't know, toilet paper or anything?' I don't want to have to tell them I didn't do anything. As a normal citizen, the most I feel like I can do is come to this town hall meeting.
"The country is slowly being ripped apart," said Katy Abram, who identified herself as someone who didn't care about politics until the last few years. "It scares the life out of me."

Abram was one of 30 people selected to ask a question to Specter. When she got up, she said, in part, "It's not about health care ... It's about the systematic dismantling of this country ... I don't want this country turning into Russia, turning into a socialized country. I want to restore this country to what it was under the Constitution."

http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/2009/08/town-haller-envisions-future-with-toilet-paper-rationing.php?ref=fpb

Yes, this is a sad day, indeed, when we as Ameerikans will have to stand in line for our cloudy-cottony-ass softness, while Comrade Obama passes out "government-issued" toilet paper:

BTW, it's Cuba with the TP shortage, not Russia. And neither is a socialist country.

Son of "If It Starts with 'C' and Rhymes with 'Runt'..." The SEQUEL

2009-08-10T11:46:00.006-06:00

Ah, Wasilla Peron strikes again:

After "Death Panel" Claim, Palin Now Calls For Civility

In a Facebook posting on Friday, Palin lashed out a scenario "in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care."

Um...ya know, I can't even begin to come up with an iota of snark that could possibly make that statement even more ridiculous and insidious. So I'll just let Sarah do it:

Now, in her latest Facebook entry, Palin seems to be wanting to change the subject.

She writes:
There are many disturbing details in the current bill that Washington is trying to rush through Congress, but we must stick to a discussion of the issues and not get sidetracked by tactics that can be accused of leading to intimidation or harassment. Such tactics diminish our nation's civil discourse which we need now more than ever because the fine print in this outrageous health care proposal must be understood clearly and not get lost in conscientious voters' passion to want to make elected officials hear what we are saying. Let's not give the proponents of nationalized health care any reason to criticize us.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/10/palin-backs-off-death-pan_n_255317.html

Let the pimp-slapping begin.

Crashing the Hitler "Love-In"

2009-08-10T08:24:00.013-06:00

Boy, does America LOVE Hitler or what????

I mean, he's just downright EVERYWHERE these days! At health care town halls, on protest signs made by 1st graders and then held by their parents.

Or made by parents and held by 1st graders, as such:

Wait, these kids are even younger!! AW, isn't that just PRECIOUS???????

Then there are those who actually put a little time and effort into their signs:

It helps to have a non-union cousin working at Kinko's!

Ah, takes me back...follow me, children, to a place long ago, circa 2004:

Know what? It's just as stupid now as it was then. As much as I despised Bush, I always thought comparing him to Hitler was childish and WAY too easy. Bush was not Hitler.

He was Nero.

But I digress...

So why the new wave of Hit-LURVE sweeping the nation? One very simple reason:

Hitler, to anyone under the age of 50, is not REAL. He's a monster to scare children with. Hitler has become a fictional charcater, right up there with Emperor Palpatine, Dr. Doom, and Governor Sarah Palin. (Just kidding. We all know Dr. Doom is real, duh). Hitler to us has become what Napoleon was to our grandparents-- a bad guy who lived in the past, hence he holds no real meaning to us except when we need him as a stunt boogeyman.

Or to compare him to a poopyhead we just don't like.

I came across this wonderful blog entry, and I'd like to share it with you all. Puts things in a very clear perspective from someone who has had a little more experience dealing with REAL Nazis:

My grandfather was a devout Nazi until his death in 1989. He never talked about killing anyone nor did he have any leading role during the Third Reich (he was an engineering teacher), but there was always that hostility toward all things foreign, toward liberal ideas, toward socialists (and in post-war Germany, Social Democrats). Sound familiar? The incredible destruction and collapse of his beloved country and the extreme suffering and poverty it caused his family was always blamed on outsiders, the enemy who was lurking from all corners just to mess with his pure Germany.

Thing is, my grandfather was a loving family man, with the sweetest wife you could imagine (grandma passed in 1984), raising four sons in the middle of death and destruction. I knew him to be a strong-willed man with a good sense of humor. A little intimidating for a child like myself, but also full of stories. I always enjoyed visiting my grandparents as a kid — we would go sailing, hiking and camping — and if it weren’t for all the iron cross, eagle and swastika stickers on his bookshelf, I would consider my grandparents’ house and family vibe completely normal. In other words, my grandfather was a HUMAN BEING.

Now before anyone gets their grundies in a bind, read on:

In the past few years I think my people have collectively arrived at a new junction where we are realizing that there are infinitely more profound ways to deal with our past beyond denial, ignorance, or paralysis. Movies like Downfall that personalize Hitler would have been unthinkable just a few years ago. To link yourself with a man and a time that you have learned to associate with such inhuman monstrosity is almost impossible to process. See, if we accept Hitler as an archetype of pure evil it puts him outside of our human capacity to process, learn and evolve. But if we let in the truly scary thought that Hitler was a human being we suddenly allow ourselves the chance for healing the part within us that is capable of such profound hatred.

http://svenworld.wordpress.com/2009/08/08/so-you-wanna-talk-about-hitler/#comment-79

In other words, stop making him a cartoon. And stop using his image to try to make a point, unless you are talking about Pol Pot or Idi Amin or some other psycho-bastard who killed a shitload of his own people because he thought it was funny.

Say it with me-- Barack Obama is NOT Hitler. George Bush is NOT HITLER. NO ONE IS HITLER BUT HITLER. Period.

Unless, of course, you're Dick Shawn. Then MAYBE you're Hitler.

Snark-Free Zone Today

2009-08-08T15:24:00.002-06:00

Sorry folks, not up for much snark today. I'm trying to be optimistic, I really am, but the last couple days...well, they've been draining, to say the least.

The health care town halls. Now, I'm not so naive to think that there wasn't going to be ANY Sturm und Dram regarding health care, but I truly didn't believe that 1 in 4 Americans suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder. Now, I do. You could have a 20 foot wall painted with a daisy right in front of the Nutter Brigade, and they would insist that it is a rose-- and a dead one on top of that.

Pushing and shoving and beating on doors? Puhleeze, THAT is not violence. THIS is violence:

Hubert Humphrey. Truer words have rarely been spoken.

But are we on our way back to 1968? Or worse, 1861?

This goes on for a while, folks. Feel free to fast forward or click it off.

Now I can understand ignorance in 1861, since only 5% of the American population could read. But there's no excuse for it now.

They're scared. REAL scared. Not of universal health care, that's just the faux outrage du jour. No, they're scared because, in America, they are seeing the end of Myth of the Master Race, and the beginning of its Legacy. Old white guys can't call the shots as easily as they could just a year ago. Non-whites are in the Cabinet, the Supreme Court, Congress.

The White House.

For the first time in American history, they are rapidly becoming a minority. And well...let's say white people's track record dealing with minorities hasn't exactly been stellar.

And now...what will happen to THEM? How shall the Brown people exact their revenge? Maybe by enslaving them, kidnapping them, putting them in irons and shipping them across the globe? Or maybe by bio-warfare, like giving them blankets infected with small pox, or killing off their main food supply (the buffalo) to the brink of extinction? Or rounding them up, putting them in internment camps because they're white (like the Japanese in 1942)? Or denying them housing, jobs, country club memberships, college scholarships because they 'killed' the son of the one true God 2000 years ago?

Wow. No wonder they're scared. Maybe I should be too. So why aren't I?

Because I live in the center of African American culture, Harlem. And in the five years I've been here, I've never been robbed. Or sexually assaulted. Or burgled. Or attacked. Have I been harrassed? Sure, but I live in New York, hello. Have I been hit on? Sure, but that's only because I'm hot. Nah, j/k. Or am I...?

See, I do this zany thing when I leave the house and see my neighbors. I smile and say good morning. I help the elderly with their groceries. I let the kids play with my dogs and answer their million questions. I just sort of smile and giggle when men hit on me on the street, give them a little wave, and go on my way. I don't avoid eye contact, I don't keep my head down, I don't run when someone whistles at me.

I don't treat my fellow Americans as if they were ghosts. And ya know, I've discovered I get a pretty nice response to that.

I actually regard myself lucky. I am one of the few white Americans who has actually lived with minorities, AS a minority. Puts a whole differest perspective on shit, lemme tell you.

So let the children wail because a guy got pushed. That was unfortunate, and I wish it hadn't happened. But all people, no matter what color, are HUMAN, and human beings are really great at fucking things up at incredibly inappropriate times. But when the wails are accompanied by bully sticks, black jacks, and then maybe guns...that's when the children get a spanking.

And on that note, I leave you with a little play-out. I still believe folks. Some days are harder than others, but I still believe.

"Here, Son, Lemme Show You How We Do It....In My Mom's Basement."

2009-08-05T14:51:00.006-06:00

So, Senator Grassley (R) of Iowa thinks Barack Obama doesn't know how Congress works.

From TheHill.com:

"President Obama is too inexperienced in national politics to really understand the legislative process, Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) said Wednesday.

Grassley, who as a lead negotiator of the bipartisan healthcare reform deal the president supports has dealt often with Obama, said that while he likes the president personally, Obama effectively only had two years of experience in national politics.

"I think that he is a good person, and good-intentioned," Grassley, the ranking member of the Senate Finance Committee, said in a radio interview. "But I believe he didn't serve in government long enough to understand really how things work."

http://briefingroom.thehill.com/2009/08/05/grassley-obama-too-inexperienced-to-understand-how-congress-works/

Well, thankfully, the Daily Show last night obtained some video of the good Senator from Iowa on how things get done in the Senate. Prepared to be SCHOOLED, GRASSLEY-STYLE:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Chuck Grassley's Debt and Deficit Dragon

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Spinal Tap Performance

I was just waiting for the part where Grassley rolls a 20-sided die and uses his enchanted morning star to take down a gelatinous cube.

HAPPY BERFDAY MR. PRESIDENT!

2009-08-04T17:25:00.004-06:00

For You, Big O. Why not, right?

Bill "Big Dick" Clinton-- Still Swingin' After All These Years

2009-08-04T17:16:00.008-06:00

Former President Bill Clinton, after visiting personally Kim Jong Il during a private mission, has negotiated the release of Laura Ling and Euna Lee, two American journalists that have been captives of the North Korean regime for the last four months.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/08/04/north-korea-welcomes-bill_n_250682.html

Good job, Mr. President.

If It Starts With a 'C' and Rhymes with "Runt"...

2009-08-04T12:07:00.005-06:00

It must be this correspondence-school lawyer/realtor/dentist/Mary Kay Saleslady of the Year beotch.

Behold the Enola Gay of crazy.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Think she gets a pink Cadillac for this?

Not One, But THREE Totally Real "Yeah-Huh They Are Shut Up You Stoopid" Obama Kenyan Birth Certificates

2009-08-03T08:22:00.007-06:00

Gotta love the American public school system, don'cha?

Totally Real Obama Kenyan Birth Certificate Contestant #1:

Hey, no one told me that Kenya was so technologically advanced in 1961 that they had a XEROX PRINTER AND COPIER!!

But, wait, that one IS a fake, cuz this one's...

Got a TEAR in it!!!! Doesn't that prove that it's AUTHENTIC??? Cuz, it's like, OLD or something???

Back in my college theater days, when I was designing lighting and props and probably acting in the same show, we had a method called "distressing". Distressing is taking something new and making it look old. Know what we used? Coffee. Just brush a little diluted coffee on a piece of paper, let it air dry, and gently and precisely make a few little rips in it. Presto, a 45 year old document! Or a hundred year old document. Or a five hundred year old document. You get the drift. Want it to look older? ADD MORE RIPS AND COFFEE!!!

But the paranoid fun doesn't stop there! Cuz then a THIRD one's reared it's totally real head:

I...don't even know what this is.

And now, sanity. From the Daily Kos:

First, the hospital is Coast Provincial General Hospital (sometimes said to be Coast Province General Hospital), not Coast General Hospital.

Second, Kenya was a Dominion the date this certificate was allegedly issued and would not become a republic for 8 months.

Third, Mombasa belonged to Zanzibar when Obama was born, not Kenya.

Fourth, Obama's father's village would be nearer to Nairobi, not Mombasa.

Fifth, the number 47O44-- 47 is Obama's age when he became president, followed by the letter O (not a zero) followed by 44--he is the 44th president.

Sixth, EF Lavender is a laundry detergent.

Seventh, would a nation with a large number of Muslims actually say "Christian name" (as opposed to name) on the birth certificate?

Eigth, his father (born in 1961) would have been 24 or 25 when he was born and not 26

Ninth, it was called the "Central Nyanza District," not Nyanza Province. The regions were changed to provinces in 1970.

And now, a little more sanity. I know, no fun at all, huh?

The document is dated 5 August 1964 -- a Saturday. From what I can find, Kenyan guvmint offices close early on Friday and are closed on Saturdays. Oooops [...]

This piece of paper certainly looks nice and new to be 45 years old -- unless the Kenyans were using acid-free paper back in 1964. Heh, heh.

Finally, Officials of Coast Province General Hospital reported: “We do not have computerized records going back to the 1960’s and can only sort through our archives by hand,” Dr. Christopher Mwanga, an administrator at the Mombasa hospital tells GLOBE. “We have searched for all the names of babies born on Aug. 4, 1961, and have not found the name of Barack Hussein Obama. That is all I can tell you.”

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/8/2/761144/-Debunking-the-unbearably-stupid

Now, who exactly is behind all this birther nonsense? Well, clutch my pearls, whod've thunk it:

WHITE-SUPREMACIST WEB SITES TOUTING OBAMA'S ALLEGED FOREIGN BIRTH

The belief that Obama is a foreigner has spread like wildfire among white- supremacist circles and Web sites, including Stormfront, the largest and best-known self-styled "white nationalist" site on the Web; the Council of Conservative Citizens, listed by the Southern Poverty Law Center as "the largest white nationalist group in America," a reincarnation of the old White Citizens Councils that were formed to resist desegregation in the 1950s and 1960s; and VDARE.com, a virulently anti-immigrant site.

That white-supremacist groups are heavily involved in the "Birther Movement" against the president should come as no surprise, given the massive coronary they collectively suffered last November when Obama was elected. According to the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), which monitors and exposes extremist activity and rhetoric, anger among white supremacists and other right-wing extremists in response to Obama's victory "resulted in an avalanche of vitriolic postings on racist Web sites" -- at one point, causing Stormfront's server to crash.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/8/3/761194/-Exposed:-White-Supremacists-Heavily-Involved-in-Birther-Movement-

I don't know whether to laugh, weep, or run to Sweden.

The Sexiest Guys on TV

2009-08-03T08:04:00.002-06:00

What can I say? I got a thing for nerdy guys with pyromanic tendencies.

Ode to the Birthers

2009-07-31T14:02:00.005-06:00

From the Huffington Post:

Less than half of Republicans believe that Barack Obama was born in the United States of America, a new public opinion poll finds.

Only 42 percent of Republican respondents in a Research 2000 survey, conducted for the liberal website Daily Kos, said they thought Obama was a natural born citizen; 28 percent said they did not believe Obama was born in the United States; 30 percent said they were not sure.

Some more numbers from the survey:

32% of those surveyed were annoyed because they were promised hot cocoa, and got none.

27% of those surveyed could not finish the survey because they got their heads stuck in dry cleaning bags.

15% of those surveyed had to leave because they were already late for meetings with their parole officers, and

65% of those swear they had nothing to do with the meth lab in the basement.

Aw, shucks, why can't we just understand what the birthers are going through? Maybe this will help:

Watch Out For Guys With Humorous Names

2009-07-31T13:57:00.003-06:00

They'll clean your logic clock and jam the gears.

Calling out the GOP on their own hypocrisy. It never gets old, does it?

Just a little side note: Just discovered that Weiner, a Jew, is engaged to a Muslim woman. Kumbaya, motherfuckers!

Music Break 7/12/09

2009-07-12T21:15:00.001-06:00

Enjoy my hometown boys.

Farewell, Farrah

2009-06-25T11:21:00.003-06:00

Farrah Fawcett died of cancer today. She was 62 years old.

She leaves behind a son, Redmond, and her longtime companion, Ryan O'Neal. Ryan wanted to marry her before she left him. He never got the chance.

Farrah Fawcett was one of that rare breed of Hollywood star. Because of her stunning looks, her dazzling smile, and that luscious mane of blond hair, she was not considered to be a great talent. That all changed when she showed off her considerable acting chops in the TV movie, "The Burning Bed". Based on a true story, Farrah starred as a battered wife who murdered her husband in self-defense. It was that case, and that movie, that changed many domestic abuse laws across the country.

Farrah was an actress, an artist, a writer, a film maker, and a mother. She showed the world that beauty and sexiness was more than age when she posed for Playboy in her 50's. She was a trail blazer and a trendsetter, and a true American icon.

RIP, Farrah. The world adores you, and we'll miss you. You were truly an angel amongst mortals.

Just Cuz

2009-05-20T22:14:00.002-06:00

Why are funny Scottish men so freakin' HAWT????

The Mad Nutter

2009-04-16T09:09:00.003-06:00

Is it just me...

Or is a wholly cliched literary reference sorely needed here?

In spirit of the occasion, I tried to find the most retarded-looking Mad Hatter out there on the Tubes. I hope I succeeded. Thanks, Walt.

Tea and Hannity

2009-04-15T12:47:00.007-06:00

Well, it's here-- Tax Day. Can't you just smell the aroma of Earl Grey and CRAZY in the air?

Bob Woodward he is not:

But...he can't be a wingnut! He's got long hair like a HIPPIE! GODDAM HIPPIES! Wait, isn't that what we're fighting against? Soshy-Commie-Hippes????
(Off in the distance, you hear the pop of a hundred wingnut heads explode)

And for those of you who haven't been insulted and dismayed enough today,

That is just offensive on SO many levels.

But my personal favorite so far:

If these people are going to scream "facism", please at least crack a dictionary.

Tell Me You Wouldn't TOTALLY Buy One Of These

2009-04-15T12:16:00.007-06:00

Yes, it's a Tauntaun Sleeping Bag.

No, they actually don't exist.

Yet.

ThinkGeek.com puts out a yearly April Fool's edition of products that do not exist. But there has been such an outpouring of "GIMME GIMME" coming through the Tubes that several companies (including Lucasfilm) are actually considering marketing it.

If only George Lucas had such inspiration when he made the prequels (silently vomits in her mouth).

Is This What They Mean By 'Git'R'Done?'

2009-04-14T21:00:00.006-06:00

On September 11th, 2001, Osama bin Laden gave order to have 3000 Americans killed. In 2008, after George Bush invaded a sovereign nation based on a lie, cost 4300 Americans their lives and plunged the nation into a trillion dollar deficit, bin Laden is still at large.

On April 8, 2009, an American freighter captain, Richard Phillips, was held hostage by 3 Somali pirates after surrendering himself to them for the release of his crew.

On April 12, President Obama gave order to have 3 Navy Seal snipers parachute onto the American warship watching the lifeboat in which the captain was being held captive, and took all 3 out with a single shot to each head.

I think we're in good hands. He got'r'done.

So, What I Miss?

2009-04-14T21:00:00.002-06:00

Sorry folks, went away there for a while. You know how it is when you first start a blog-- or start your first blog, as I have. And in the beginning, you're all gung ho and ready to go like Rick Warren at a Prop 8 fundraiser, but then see something shiny and sparkly and sort of wander off...

So much weirdness has passed since my last post, but I'll try to sum it up best I can with absolutely NO research and in no coherent order:

Stimulus Package Passed
Lilly Ledbetter Act signed into law
Republicans think Obama is poopy and not good
The Obamas go to Europe and hand out masturbation candy to last for months
(and they TOTALLY DID IT in Air Force One)
Everyone likes Obama, but not his bank bailout plan (including me)
North Carolina beat Michigan State (dammit)
The GOP continued its descent into madness and oblivion
Michelle Bachman has become the "Mirror Mirror" version of Madame deFarge
Glenn Beck is a mental patient masquerading as a comedian
Bill Clinton has been strangely quiet
Watchmen was really fucking good
Sarah Palin is still an asshole
AK Muckraker from the fabulous Alaskan political blog Mudflats was outed by a pissy local journalist, but is still writing (Thank Dog)
Brett Favre is actually retiring for real this time
Slumdog Millionaire won Best Movie at the Oscars
Some celebrities died

Um...yeah, that's pretty much it. If you have anything to add, please feel free.

PS: Shout out to my homeboy The Shat with the Trek reference.

DISGUSTING RECIPE FRIDAYS!!!!!

2009-04-14T20:00:00.002-06:00

Put on your eatin' pants and strap on in, cuz you're about to embark on a culinary carny ride!

Welcome to Disgusting Recipe Fridays, where our motto is "If the Food Network is food porn, then Disgusting Recipe Fridays is an adult video booth off 37th and 8th at 4 AM on a Friday."

Here's how it works: Submissions for disgusting recipes will be accepted up until Thursdays. The week's winner will be posted on Friday. On Monday of the new week, a CULINARY REVIEW will be posted of the week's winner. That's right, I will take your disgusting recipe and actually prepare it Sunday night for my family. Yes, I will.

RULES:

1.Must be ACTUAL Recipes. They must be from another source than you and your friends getting high and mixing pie crust with margarita mix and beef gravy.

2. Must have be COMPLETE recipes with a full list of ingredients and instructions from beginning to end. Example: If flour is not listed in the original ingredient list and then suddenly turns up in a recipe w/out a proper amount, that recipe is disqualified. Same for incomplete instructions, i.e., "Throw into oven." Um, what tempature oven?

WHERE TO FIND ACTUAL PUBLISHED DISGUSTING RECIPES:

1. Off the sides of generic or store-brand items. Off-brand Mac and Cheese or Instant Rice or things like that are good places.

2. Underneath the labels of off-brand canned goods. Another place to find a treasured gastronomical abortion.

3. Off bags of junk food. Yes, I actually got a recipe off a bag of pork rinds once. I still have nightmares.

4. Recipe Sites. If a recipe looks like it may actually be tasty, that's not what we're looking for. If it looks revolting, send it in.

5. Anything you've made in the past that convinced your in-laws that you can't cook, despite years or even decades gone by.

Have fun, and send Prilosec.

Why Does Sarah Palin Want To Attend The Alfalfa Dinner?

2009-01-31T17:34:00.007-06:00

She always wanted to meet Spanky and Buckwheat. But she still thinks Darla is a whore.

For those who don't know, the Alfalfa Club invites politicians and elite business people from all over the country for an annual dinner marking the birthday of Robert E. Lee.

Yeah, I know. Kinda weird. Think how weird it really got with an African American President speaking at it. If General Lee were alive today, he'd feel like right git now, wouldn't he?

Meet the New Leaders of the Republican Party

2009-01-30T20:21:00.004-06:00

A.K.A...

Even When It's Oozy and Creepy, Progress is Still Progress

2009-01-30T19:52:00.011-06:00

Well, it's official-- Michael Steele, former lieutenant governor of Maryland, is the new Chairman of the Republican National Committee.

And like any politician, Dem or GOP, he comes with his own weirdness:

His 2006 Senatorial Campaign. Note that he was indeed running Republican; perhaps this was just a misprint from the printers...?

THEN he was caught hiring homeless men from Philly to pass out misleading literature to the black denizens of his district:

http://www.gazette.net/stories/110706/princou134628_31968.shtml

Then there's that shit went down in Compton:

(AP) Republican Senate candidate Michael Steele on
Wednesday called President Bush his "homeboy," reversed course on having the
president campaign for him and said he was joking when he described his
Republican affiliation as a scarlet letter.

But my personal favorite is that Mike Tyson was married to his step-sister. That doesn't mean shit, really, I just found it fascinating.

But I'm a little crushed. I was so rooting for Sarah Palin.

Then again, maybe this obscenely transparent ploy will actually work out for the Rethugs. Maybe Steele can bring in more diversity, more moderates. Maybe the Dems aren't the only party experiencing change...

AH! GOTCHA! Dude, seriously?

Obama Lesson #42: How To Stand Up to a Bully

2009-01-28T07:49:00.005-06:00

1. Invite all his friends (Bill Kristol, George Will, Charles Krauthammer) to a really bitchin' party

2. Make sure information is 'leaked' to the media about the really bitchin' party.

3. Float a rumor around that the Bully has a good chance of getting invited to the really bitchin' party.

4. Then don't invite him.

Appendix to #4: Make damn sure he finds out the food was REALLY good.

And then watch hilarity ensue!

Please Remember This Man Is A Drug Addict

2009-01-27T08:09:00.005-06:00

It doesn't really matter if Rush Limbaugh using or not. An addict is an addict is an addict, and always will be. And I don't think I need to tell you that an addict is a fucking drag to be around. Just remember that all the shit that comes out of his mouth are the words of a junkie.

And Rush Limbaugh is the worst kind of addict-- the kind that got clean because he got CAUGHT, and not because he wanted to get clean.

Unlike many in this country, I have no sympathy whatsoever for addicts. I stay away from them. They are chaos incarnate on two legs. They don't care about anyone but themselves. They cannot comprehend that the world is made up of bejillions of people, they only care about what THEY want. They lie. All the time. Especially to themselves.

Nope, no sympathy. No one forced that drink in your hand, or that needle in your arm, or those pills going down your throat. YOU made that choice. I chose to pick up my first cigarette 23 years ago. And I still struggle with it on a daily basis. Do I expect ANY sympathy from ANYONE? Of course I don't. That was MY choice.

However, in my own defense, I'm not going to embezzle from my workplace or steal from my parents or sell my ass on the street for a cigarette.

So when Limbaugh says he hopes our President fails and then screams like a sperm whale in heat because he was actually called out on it, please remember that this is the ranting of a junkie. What's the best way to deal with a junkie? Ignore them. And boycott their sponsors.

Weekly World Weed #1

2009-01-25T11:41:00.011-06:00

Welcome to the inaugural (snick) installment of Weekly World Weed. Kind of think of it as our version of Parade magazine. Only interesting. And with weed.

Say it with me: Weed is not a drug. It's a supplement.

Man Waiting for Tools gets Brick of Marijuana

The Associated Press

DENTON, Texas -- A man in Denton, Texas who was expecting a shipment of
tools instead received a 30-pound brick of marijuana that police say is worth
more than $10,000. Officer Ryan Grelle says the man opened the box Monday night,
realized it contained drugs and contacted police.

The package from the Pharr area was handled by UPS in McAllen on Jan.
6. and apparently was intended for a Dallas address.

The Denton Record-Chronicle reports no such address exists in Dallas, so
the package wound up 40 miles to the northwest at the similar address in Denton.

http://www.miamiherald.com/news/weird-news/story/854481.html

Tobacco Ban Wafts into Amsterdam Pot Shops — but Joints still Legal

By Jeffrey StinsonUSA TODAY

AMSTERDAM — Starting next week, you'll still be able to legally smoke a joint in
the famously relaxed coffee shops of Amsterdam — but for a cigarette, you'll
have to step outside.
A tobacco ban that goes into effect Tuesday in the
Netherlands has both tourists and shop owners, like, totally confused, man.

Full Story: http://www.usatoday.com/printedition/news/20080627/a_pot27.art.htm

Have any interesting weed news to share? Send links to subversivekskank2@aol.com.

"George, How Would You Like To Make $20,000 a Year?"

2009-01-25T10:29:00.024-06:00

The surreality that surrounded the last days of the Bush Administration made Fellini's Satyricon look like a Disney vehicle for Orson Bean.

Ah, we truly must embrace these moments of life imitating art...

"You can all suck my dick with the rest of the garlic eaters! Fuck you!"

A Great American Tragedy

2009-01-24T10:57:00.006-06:00

From Wikipedia:

"The banality of evil is a phrase coined by Hannah Arendt and incorporated in the title of her 1963 work Eichmann in Jerusalem: A Report on the Banality of Evil.[1] It describes the thesis that the great evils in history generally, and the Holocaust in particular, were not executed by fanatics or sociopaths but rather by ordinary people who accepted the premises of their state and therefore participated with the view that their actions were normal."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Banality_of_evil

Yup.

Harry Truman left office with dismal approval ratings, but is regarded today as one of America's Greats. Like Bush, Truman took over the office from a very popular president (in his case, Franklin Roosevelt died). He had to make tough decisions about ending the bloodiest war the planet had ever witnessed and saving American lives. He had to face a post-war economy and recession. He barely squeaked out a electoral victory. He also got the US involved in an unpopular war which was basically his political undoing.

We don't know at this exact moment in time how history will look upon George Bush. But all I can say in the here and now is Mr. Bush, you are no Harry Truman.

We all know the crimes by now, so I don't feel any need to list them here. In fact, this post isn't about Bush-bashing, truly. It's about wasted opportunity. And here in the Land of Opportunity, that truly is a tragedy.

Unlike most Americans, I don't think Bush is a stupid guy. Even with wealth and privilege, the odds of a complete moron getting into the White house are slim. And someone who can pull the wool over the eyes of a couple hundred million Americans for a number of years has to have something going on upstairs. But it's the not the self-actualizing intelligence of a thoughtful man, but the cunning of a used car salesman who slaps a coat of paint on a lemon while stealing from the till and bangin' the boss's wife. He had the chance, the privilege, and the HONOR to help his fellow man. He could have been Michael Douglas in The American President. But he wound up being William H. Macy from Fargo.

There are plenty of folks out there more than happy to carry the torches and pitchforks. But I choose to deal with the Bush years with a little sadness. So much time, energy, money, lives, just wasted. He just pissed his potential into the wind. And now we have to clean it up.

But clean it up we shall. We've done it before.

Greetings and Salutations

2009-01-24T10:53:00.003-06:00

Welcome to my blog. Now shut up and sit down. And have some cookies. You know I only hurt you because I love you, right?